Catch Me If I Fall
by WolfGirl4Life
Summary: "Giving your trust away is hard when so many people in your life have proved to you that they don't deserve it." Is love possible for Leah after everything she's been through? Can she finally face everything she's been hiding away?


Love- \'ləv\ _noun_ **1 a **(1) : strong affection for another rising out of kinship or personal ties maternal love for a child (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : deep emotional attachment to another person or object

Infatuation- \-,fa-chə-'wā-shən, -chü-'ā-\ _noun _**1 : **the state of being foolish caused by another, deprived of sound judgement **2 : **the state of being inspired with foolish and/or extravagant love or admiration

**Preface: Catch Me If I Fall**

_There have been moments in my life where I've believed whole-heartedly that every choice I'd ever made was a mistake. _

_But that's not true._

_There have been moments in my life where I've tried to convince myself that each teardrop that hits my pillow is bringing me closer to the end of the pain._

_But it doesn't._

_There have been moments in my life where I've faked a smile just so nobody would ask what's wrong._

_But it's never worked._

_There have been moments in my life where just to make through the day, I have to tell myself that love is possible for me._

_But it's not._

_There have been moments in my life where I've drunk way too much red wine just so I can drown away the hurt for an hour or two._

_But it always fades._

_There have been moments in my life where just to get everyone to leave me alone, I've insisted I'm okay._

_But I'm not._

_But never once has there been in a moment in my life where I've considered giving up._

_And that's the one thing I'll never doubt._

The old saying states that 'time heals all wounds', but I can't say I agree. From my experiences, time just makes everything worse. Sure, it gives you hindsight and insight, but that doesn't help. For me, it just fuels the fire. It just shows me how incredibly stupid I was for believing a word he ever told me. Especially the special three.

Whenever I remember what we had, I want to go back in time and bitch-slap my fifteen-year-old self across the face. I'd tell myself to hurt him before he can hurt you. But knowing me, I probably wouldn't take my own advice. I'd come up with excuses like 'our love can withstand anything'. If my older, wiser self were there, I'd have two words for the teenage me.

_Bull. Shit._

Oh, and I'd probably slap myself one more time. Just for emphasis.

I'd really like to believe that somewhere in this crazy, messed up world, love is still out there for me. Being me, though, I have to face the facts. It's not. It's just...not.

To be totally honest, I'm done looking for love. If it wants me, it'll have to find me on it's own. I'm not waiting for my prince charming, because truthfully, I don't want one. I don't want a knight in shining armor. I've had one once, and trust me, it's not happening again. I don't want someone perfect. I want someone who's perfect for me. Nothing more, and nothing less will do.

As specific and as presumptuous as that criteria might sound, it's really not. I've had too many things taken away from me to have my heart broken again. Kissing a bunch of frogs and all that bull shit just isn't going to happen. Giving your trust is hard when so many people in your life have proved to you that they don't deserve it. And the one that actually did got ripped away from me by this stupid twist of fate.

I don't set these nearly impossible standards to be annoying, or bitchy. I set them to protect myself from ever being hurt that way again. I am determined to prevent anyone from inflicting that kind of pain on me. No one will ever get close enough.

I admit. I've built a wall. A wall around my heart that protects me from getting to close. From trusting. From being stupid. The only people that matter in my life have climbed the wall. They've proved to me that they want me in their life enough to fight for me. Those are the only people I want. Those are the only people I need.


End file.
